Between Amy Griffin, Amber Rae, and the Coldplay Kiss Cam, I’ve been thinking: Why do people lose all sense of boundaries the second someone shares something real?
Loveable Event
In this voicenote, you’ll hear me mention my friend Amber— the one whose story has stayed with me. She’s just turned that story into something extraordinary: her new book, Loveable, and it’s a masterclass in courage and vulnerability.
Last week, I had the privilege of hosting a gathering to celebrate the release of Loveable. I’m endlessly proud of her, and I hope you’ll read her words and feel as inspired as I do. You can grab your copy here.
Amongst Friends
Welcome to your crowdsourced corner of the internet. The vibe: friendly, sometimes silly, sometimes serious. Always useful.
Question for you: They say you haven’t really made it until you have trolls on the internet. Do you agree?
Which would you choose? Drop A or B in the comments!
A. I would deal with trolls to have a big platform.
B. No, thank you. I’ll take my private life.
A Small Favor (If You’re Up for It!)
Hey there! I’m so glad you landed here. This is real talk for real women.
My goal is to say out loud what we’re all thinking. No script, no editing, no bullshit.
If you’re already part of Voicenotes From a Friend, thank you! If you’ve been enjoying it, please invite someone new into the fold—someone who could use a community of real, fun, and awesome friends.
In Case You Missed It:
Voicenote #9: I Was Ready To Burn It All Down. Then I Bought Yarn.
Voicenote #12: Sign Up Now: Women’s Commune (Kidding, Not Kidding)
Prefer To Read Instead Of Listen?
Transcript: Please Hold While I’m Publicly Misunderstood
If you're afraid to put yourself out there, in some ways, you're really right. I have thought about this a lot as I have chosen to put my truth and my stuff out there. You know, there's something that happens when you put yourself in the public eye where everyone decides that they are allowed to have an opinion.
I mean, I hate to jump on this Coldplay Kiss Cam bandwagon, but I sort of have to, where people are talking incessantly about the affair between the Astronomer CEO and the HR person, and everyone has an opinion and strong opinions. My reaction is, I just don't care. I don't know these people. They have nothing to do with me. I have no opinion, because I'm not really entitled to an opinion. It’s not up to me.
But somehow, when people get into the public eye, people decide they have opinions. So I've had two other examples of this happen recently.
One is a friend of mine, Amy Griffin, who wrote this book The Tell, talking about her childhood sexual abuse and very bravely sharing an incredibly powerful story that got a lot of coverage. She was on Oprah, and she got a lot of attention, as she should, for this extraordinary story that she told.
It was so interesting because I was talking to somebody who didn’t know I was friends with her, and they said to me, “Yeah, but I really think that her social media feed should really reflect this thing that she's promoting, which is protecting children from sexual abuse.” They had a whole opinion on exactly what her personal positioning should be.
My reaction was: Says who? Why do you get to have an opinion on what she's putting out into the world? Maybe she just gets to put this book out into the world and then decide what she does and doesn’t want to do, and what you think she should and shouldn’t do is, frankly, irrelevant.
I said as much to this person, politely, and they replied, “Yeah, yeah, I see you.” So it was not a controversial thing, but it did make me sort of afraid, because I want to write a book and I want to put stuff out into the world. There’s part of me that's scared, because there is this weird thing where people don’t feel anymore like they need to have consideration for the human when someone goes into the public eye.
A third example is my friend Amber Rae, who I’m excited to support with her book. The book is the story of how she met and fell in love with her now-husband while she was still married. What’s fascinating about it is the vitriol she has received — the judgment, the opinions, and not just opinions, but the “You must be a so-and-so” or “You must be this kind of person.” People have decided, based on not knowing her at all, who she is.
In almost every case, when you actually know who someone is and you see something like that, you realize it’s just not true. First of all, it’s completely inaccurate. Second of all, what are you basing this on? You don’t even know this person.
I think there’s a fear of being in a place where people have decided that they get to judge you based on completely incomplete information, not knowing you at all, and that people feel entitled. So if you are afraid to put yourself out in the public eye, I get it. I’m kind of afraid too.
I think that it’s inevitable for me because I can’t help but speak out loud about stuff — it just comes through me. I’ll have to deal with whatever comes at me. It’s fine. I care about the opinions of the people I care about and the people I love, but I’m also a human being. It’s not going to be easy.
Anyway, I’m so excited to support Amber in this book because it does exactly that. It says, “This is who I am, and this is my truth. Whatever you think of it is actually your stuff. It has nothing to do with me.”
Thanks for listening. All my love.
