For years, I was in a love affair with intensity—two-a-day workouts, abs I adored, and a body that hurt all the time.
I thought more meant better. Stronger. Worthier.
It looked great on the outside. But inside? Something was quietly breaking…
FORWARD_Space Event Recap
In this voicenote, I share my love for FORWARD__Space classes, a signature dance experience founded by the wonderful Kristin Sudeikis. I was thrilled to host a class for friends alongside Kristin and wellness curator Dria Murphy this week. The theme was simple: Let’s Dance. ‘Cause It Feels Good. Following the class, we had a chat about leaning into what brings you joy. I’m excited to share that with you soon!
Let Me Know!
What’s your favorite way to move? If you feel inspired, please share in the comments below because I'm always looking for new ways to move!
Prefer To Read Instead Of Listen?
Transcript: I Had A Six-Pack. I Also Had Chronic Pain.
Yeah, so I used to exercise a lot, like a lot. Like two-a-day cardio dance classes. I had abs. I kind of loved them. I loved the way my legs looked. And then during COVID, I quit cold turkey. I would say I quit my addiction to exercise cold turkey.
Now, why addiction, do you say? The reason I call it an addiction is that I was doing it despite it having negative consequences on my life. And the negative consequences it had were that my body was in pain all the time, all the time.
And it's so interesting because at one point I went to a doctor, a functional medicine doctor, and the doctor was like, maybe you're exercising too much. It's like having a stove that's burning hot all the time. Your body is inflamed all the time, and at some point the stove is gonna crack.
And I was like, I don't know why this blew my mind so much, because in my mind, the fitter the better, right? The more exercise, the better. The more toned, the more hardcore, the more disciplined, the better.
And so I had this turnaround where I started to realize and focus on the fact that my body was so inflamed, and it—you know, inflammation comes in the form of pain. So I was actually in a ton of pain all the time, but I've always been good at ignoring that pain.
I don't know, women, if you can relate to the idea of being able to just tolerate a lot. As women, we just tolerate a lot, and a lot of what we tolerate is pain in our bodies, and we've learned pretty well to ignore it.
So I'd just been ignoring this pain, and once I started recognizing that it was there, I knew I had a problem, and I knew I had to stop.
So since then, I've been rehabbing this painful hip and all sorts of other issues in my body from over-exercising for so long. But I found myself the other day in this class, FORWARD__Space, founded by the wonderful Kristin Sudeikis. In the class, while I was doing the class, I had all of these thoughts that were cascading.
And the first thought that came to my mind was that women would be happier if they could move their hips more.
I was in a class of kind of moms. You know, my daughter's there. I'm looking around and us moms, we’re trying to shake our booties, but we don't really shake our booties. We're pretty constrained, restrained, and held together.
And I think that it was just funny because I was like, we are always holding it together and being so proper. And if we could just let go. But that's not easy to do, is it?
If we could just let go. It's like when we've been holding and gripping and trying to be controlled and good for so long, it's hard to just let our bodies move and let our bodies be free.
And so this class is awesome because it does do that, and I've been enjoying dancing.
And the other thing that it does is that you don't—it's not hard. I'm not saying you don't get a good workout, but it's not hardcore in terms of—it's not competitive, and it's not like, feel the burn. Kind of like when you're on rep 30. Keep going, don't stop.
If you like those classes, that's cool. But for me, I'm in my soft girl era. I mean, I know I'm not a girl anymore, but my soft woman era, where I don't even need to be that strong anymore. I don't need it to burn that much. I just need mobility and movement.
Because, by the way, I don't know about you, but I get out of bed in the morning and my knees hurt and my feet hurt and I'm stiff. I'm like, oh no, oh no. This isn't good.
And so my relationship with exercise has completely changed. I used to be so hardcore. Now I'm all about the mobility and the freedom and the joy and exercising to be able to do the things I love to do, like surfing and playing pickleball with my 82-year-old mom, who just destroys me because she's so good. Thank goodness for her genes.
But I want to be able to do all the things that I love to do, and so exercise for me has been about mobility and longevity.
I hate that longevity has been co-opted by the biohacker bros, but longevity is important to me. How can I get my body to do what I want it to do for as long as possible and to feel good for as long as possible?
And so exercise has changed for me, from punishment to nourishment. I mean, beyond.
Honestly, in our 20s and 30s, exercise was all about punishing our bodies for not being the right shape or size, punishing ourselves for eating, punishing ourselves for not being enough—not skinny enough, not defined enough, not disciplined enough, not hardcore enough.
And I am just so done with that, because it just is inflaming my body, and it's inflaming my soul, and I don't want it anymore. I don't want to punish my body anymore.
I want to feel flexible and free and have fun and dance and do the things I love, and stop being so hardcore.
And so that's my goal: to use my body in a way that when I exercise, I am never punishing it. I'm nourishing it. I'm greasing the joints, rather than pounding the joints and working on my mobility and flexibility, freedom of movement, and joy of movement.
I'll keep you posted on how I do that. I'm so curious how and whether you do that—how you like to move. So if you feel inspired, please share, because I'm looking for new ways to move.
This week, I'm moving at FORWARD__Space. It's so much fun for me to dance. I think dance is going to be a huge part of the way I move in the next decade and hopefully beyond.
Thanks for listening. All my love.
A Small Favor (If You’re Up for It)
Hey there! I’m so glad you landed here. This is real talk for real women.
My goal is just to say out loud what we’re all thinking. No script, no editing, no bullshit.
If you’re already part of Voicenotes From a Friend, thank you! If you’ve been enjoying it, please invite someone new into the fold—someone who could use a community of real, fun, and awesome friends.
