If you’re sick of fighting with your clothes, I see you. I’ve updated and upgraded my personal style in a way that makes me feel more powerful and confident than ever, and I’m finally ready to share the ins and outs of how I did it.
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So here is a hot take: Personal style is an underutilized form of personal growth for women who are interested in finding themselves or are feeling a little bit lost. I think clothes and fashion actually have a lot to offer.
Now, I do not mean just going and buying a lot of stuff and shopping. This is not really about clothes and fashion. It is about dialing into what works for you and what makes you feel confident. Essentially, you are matching your outsides to your insides.
Let me say more about that. I think this applies to your actions as well. A lot of people tell me I have a very grounded vibe, a very grounded energy, and I think it is because I have been trying to figure out how to match my external world and how I live in the external world to my internal world, and what feels good and true and right to me. That place of coherence is a really lovely and calm place to live in, where you feel like you are not compromising who you are in order to be someone else out in the world.
What is interesting about how this translates into clothing and style is that the way we dress is a big part of how we try to belong. Let me explain that a little more.
I had this really interesting experience. I was visiting my son in college and was staying at a hotel in Los Angeles. We did not want to go out, so my husband and I went to the rooftop restaurant. The rooftop restaurant was a vibe. There was a DJ, and it was very cool, definitely cooler than we are. We just wanted food and would have taken a quiet restaurant, but this was the hotel option, so we went to the vibey restaurant on the roof.
We could tell as people walked in that everyone looked toward the door to see who was entering and whether they were important. People were dressed. I mean dressed dressed.
I was dressed the way I usually do. No makeup, all in gray, lots of scarves. I had jewelry on and my earrings. I had my cool, nonchalant New York vibe, which feels very me. I love beauty, but I do not like looking like I am trying too hard. I also love layers, which I will get to later in this voice note.
So I am sitting on this roof and looking at the women as they come in. I remember feeling kind of dowdy, like the way I was dressed was dowdy, because everyone else was really done. Full makeup. The Los Angeles vibe. Tight and short and busty and voluptuous, which I am anything but. I have more of an athletic, boyish figure, and I wear a lot of layers. I am not showing my curves.
I remember thinking, I feel less comfortable wearing what I am wearing. I feel a little self-conscious because everyone else is dressed differently. It was interesting to notice how comfortable I usually feel in my own skin and in the way I like to dress, and how it reflects who I am, but how different that felt in the context of everyone around me looking another way.
There is something here about how we sometimes dress to belong rather than dressing for who we are. Dressing for who we are is a powerful statement. That place of coherence, where our outsides match our insides, is powerful.
This has been interesting for me as I have gotten older and as my personal style has evolved. I wanted to share a couple of things I have noticed as my body has changed, as my face has changed, as my hair has changed, and as I have gotten older.
First, fewer better things. Better quality, better fit, fewer things. I really like not having so much stuff. I talk about this a lot because the constant consumption of stuff bothers me.
Second, and maybe most important, somehow more layers and longer proportions and always a scarf. I really like my coats almost touching the floor. My jeans dragging on the floor, even though it is disgusting in New York, but I love the way it looks. The Olsen twins have perfected this. Coats that are way too long, pants that are way too long. I love it. It gives a witchy robe vibe, which I am into.
I also like wearing clothes I feel comfortable and confident in, clothes that do not require me to suck anything in, clothes that let me relax. I feel like walking in a relaxed way is much more attractive. So shoes I can walk in, clothes I do not need to adjust my body for, things I enjoy for their beauty or their history. Clothes I have made myself, clothes I have inherited. Clothes that have a story.
When I thought about how my style has changed, I realized it has evolved from a girl all dolled up trying to get someone to pick her, like a princess in a tight skirt trying to get the prince to notice her, into a queen walking into the room with her robes on vibes. See if you can relate to that. It is a bizarre metaphor, and it is strange to be philosophical about clothing, but I think it makes a difference. It is how you walk into the world and present yourself.
My personal style has evolved.
For the ladies with gray hair, do not be afraid to change your color palette. I used to wear a lot of black and now I realize that with my gray hair it does not work as well. My neutrals have shifted to beige and light gray. The beige that my kids call oatmeal. I am a super oatmeal mom. Every time I show them a sweater I like, they say, “Mom, another oatmeal sweater? You do not need another oatmeal sweater!” But it works for me. My kids can tease me all they want, but I know what works for me. What makes me feel good and what looks good.
Here is your invitation to look at your personal style as a medium for personal growth. This does not mean everyone has to be into fashion. Matching your outsides to your insides can mean choosing comfort and what feels good just as much as choosing expression.
As always, thanks for listening. All my love.
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